Kenyan Women in the US Speak Out On Relationship Problems with Kenyan Men
Kenyan women living and working in the US have opened up on why most love relationships with Kenyan men are not working.
A majority of women interviewed by the Nairobian laid the blame on Kenyan men for the current state of affairs.
Sarah Mwangi, who works as an auditor in the US, says Kenyan men are brilliant but lack what she termed as ambition.
“They lack the drive and their presentation is so poor. Some will still don those ‘Mwalimu Jini’ shoes, yet they are in the United States,” she said.
Chero Leitich, who hails from Nakuru, vowed never to date a Kenyan man again and is currently seeing someone of a different race and nationality. She broke up with her Kenyan boyfriend due to “demands of the environment” and thinks the relationship would have worked in Kenya.
“Even something as simple as a public display of affection, which women value so much, is almost impossible with Kenyan men,” she said.
Chero adds that Kenyan men dislike outspoken women, adding that they are not motivated, lack ambition, and are comfortable in circles where they only drink and have barbeques.
Rebecca Musau, a nurse based in Washington DC, agrees with Chero’s sentiments. She says: “It is true the single ladies find it hard to find men. I know some in their 40s with no men or kids in their lives. They have money but no man. It is not easy to get a white or American man. They are too busy just like everyone is in America. You may get one from online dating sites, which unfortunately has seen many women being scammed by con men.”
Given that white and African-American men are hardly available, many women have opted to stay single or become single mums. “I think Kenyan men are few compared to women here,” adds Rebecca.
Rebecca also feels that rights, freedom, and money are to blame for failed relationships between Kenyans in the US because women are not subjected to the directions of their men as is the case in Kenya.
“With such freedom, you can understand the runaway infidelity that has become the order of the day here,” says Rebecca.
She also thinks that women adapt easily to the American environment compared to men. “Even a woman from the remotest part of Kenya comes here and a few months later, she will be driving and earning $2,000 a month (Sh170,000), probably from babysitting. Do you think such a woman will care about or respect the husband?” she poses.
But Sonie Kendi, who moved to Indiana four months ago, says it boils down to individual preferences.
“Some Kenyan women cannot date Kenya men and vice-versa. Generally, most of my friends prefer American men, black or white, to Kenyans,” she says adding: “In my estimation, I think as East African women score highly amongst American men because our black American women counterparts are rowdy, uncouth, and not as ‘feminine’ as us, hence we attract their men.”
Rhoda Adera, a Missouri-based journalist, says the nature of life in America is the reason why Kenyan women cannot find suitors.
“It depends on the visa one is granted. Save for those who immigrate here on the Green Card, many Kenyans come here as students or visitors. Without proper documentation, you cannot work and without work, finding a stable relationship is nearly impossible,” she observes.
She adds that this is why many Kenyan men and women seek to marry Americans to find their path to citizenship. Rhoda adds that unlike women, Kenyan men find it hard to cope with the liberal culture in the US.
“Women navigate the culture shock faster than men. Unless you were brought up in a wealthy and liberal family back in Kenya where you share responsibilities with your sisters, the idea of a housewife in America is non-existent. The hours can be unforgiving and that complicates many relationships.”
She adds: “Views towards marriage are looked at from a cultural, financial and academic perspective. Before you settle with anyone, there must be a catch. But you notice younger women are not really interested in marriage anymore.”
Comments (117)
The US has the 3rd highest divorce rate in the world.
Many factors affect relationships including navigating new environments.US has challenges like any other place that can affect relationships.
Some groups in US have 30% marriage rates; some 39% some 48%;Asians highest at roughly 60%.125million adults are single in america and 40million adults are living alone.
It is a new dynamic for everyone not just Kenyans(before 1960 80% of US households were headed by 2 parent married couples;not anymore).
There are Kenyans with successful relationships and those with challenges just like in Kenya(only 100,000 kenyans in US almost 50million Kenyans in Kenya).
Kenyans are not monolithic; Kenya is a mutlicultural, multireligious, multiwealth,multieducation,multiple- relationship society with people having varied experiences.
STOP THE STEREOTYPING!!
https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/highest-divorce-rate
https://scholars.org/brief/why-has-marriage-declined-among-black-americ…
Thank you @Papa. This article is very shallow/ artificial and full of stereotypes. That part about Black American women is downright rude. Where do our journalists go to school? More than 80% seem to have some allergy to critical thinking.
I absolutely agree! Stereotypes were very prevalent . The part about African American women was INSULTING! It galled me so much. How dare someone write that?
I agree with @Chero on this one "Kenyan men dislike outspoken women, adding that they are not motivated, lack ambition, and are comfortable in circles where they only drink and have barbeques." Before you start throwing stones not all Kenyan men in the US lack motivation, ambition and not all are comfortable in circles. We have some who are husband material, ambitious and have motivation but you have to really look for them they are too busy working, at school or they are already taken. Life ya majuu sio easy vile so Kila mtu akae lane yake. Watu wa Circle Sacco kando, watu wa families and ambitions Sacco kando. It's what it's hiyo tuu.
These Complainants are Tangatangas who Behave BADLY not very Long after their Spouses, Boyfriends, or etc welcome them Abroad. They're BENEVOLENCE abusers who should know Better; and Repent.
Weee wacha kuleta siasa mbichi. Leave tanga tanga alone. Not apart of them but wewe umekosea. It was individual opinions. Further more the part about nyama choma and beer is 80% true. Then Kenyan men have a habit of looking for Kenyan women who are RNs or make more money than them so that they can just slide on through! BAD HABIT!!
That part where one woman describes African American women as loud,uncouth,etc is just off. Common now. You enjoy the freedom and liberties that African Americans have fought and died for & still continue to fight for but you come in a boat from God knows where and disrespect them like that?? If it wasn't for their so called "loud mouth" you think you would exist in America?
Common Kenyans lets look at history and stop sounding ignorant en damn.
Tariq Rasheed should read this article.
This one of african americans paving the way for us is old and rugged. That loud, uncouth behaviour is so off-putting and has tarnished the name of blacks world over. Behave.
Then go back to your country! African Americans have literally died for Americans to accept giving Africans visas! If you don’t like their attitude go back where you came from this is their home so be respectful and learn their history!
"This one of african americans paving the way for us is old and rugged."
Be that as it may, does that change the truth in fact as you stated?
"That loud, uncouth behaviour is so off-putting and has tarnished the name of blacks world over."
Also learn common courtesy, it will take you far in this life. Since when did you arrogate to shade someone's ish when you are in their home? You are free to leave bud.
When you see shyte you don't care for you determine that ain't for ya, and stop there. It's not your fight, don't make it. Again you are free to leave. Be glad all you gotta do is take a flight back and not a wind sail.
That’s literally how you Hamites (so-called Africans) were able to come over here. If y’all are so great then why is Africa a dump? Hamite men can’t ahd haven’t built anything that’s great or memorable.
Hi Cindy! Which freedoms did you fight for and who came here in a boat - you or me? If I may ask? I paid for my damn flight ticket both ways, and still had money left over for a bottle of Bulls beer or Schlitz! Or that Corona beer!
And you know what Cindy, when I take that next flight back to the motherland, I will not look back! I will know exactly where I’m going and who to go see there! There is no place like home! We have freedoms there too!!
Stop gaslighting. Please show us where Cindy claimed to fight for any freedoms? A nd yes black women fought for freedoms you enjoy in US (if that is where you are); a simple Gsearch Ella Josephine Baker, Ida B. Wells-Barnett, Mary McLeod Bethune, Shirley Chisholm, Dorothy Irene Height, Biddy (Bridget) Mason, Sojourner Truth, and Harriet Tubman. Heck do you sit at the back of the bus? You can thank Rosa Parks. I didn't see Cindy claim freedoms are a west exclusivity. You sound exactly like the westerners and now easterners despised in Africa - they came to exploit and send those resources back to their country while looking down their nose at the locals. Grow up.
Just like everyone came to America individually and pursued different pathways to success, so goes with relationship. The environment doesn't change a good morally grounded person or morally empty person. Kenyan woman looks at American lifestyle as paradise, where they can work, have fun, f#$co anyone they want and the society class for them. We see them out here and wonder where is the compass of such women's womanhood? Soon they're on their own, hitting 40+. Too late the brothers moved on. There are those who focus on important aspects of life like education, work and family, with toned down behavioral characters to nurture and they're happy and successful all round. And there are those who have been brought to America by their boyfriends and husbands. Supported thru education and gets good jobs. Soon the man becomes unattractive because money is the sparkle to the woman in the relationship. Soon the man is out the door, despised and castigated like a devil by the woman, whether they have children or not. Am a victim of this scenario. Thank God I was left with my children to raise while she stormed out to enjoy "her money" as she calls it. Many Kenyan men in the U.S suffer this relationship predicament. Most Kenyans' social culture is as it has been even in Kenya. Men drink to socialize. The same culture is embraced by Kenyan men in the U.S. but not that they're drunkards, irresponsible to keep a relationship or raise family. That being said, Kenyan men in America work with the focus of developing back in Kenya and go back. But women aren't interested doing that. That's the big contention. I have been raising my 3 children as a single parent and father now they're in college. For these yrs I have been single dating Kenyan women in America, I have seen and experienced a scenario that is homogeneous.... "My money I keep, we use yours"...and even at 40, 50 or so yrs still single and wondering where good men are, these women are stuck in their own cocoon that has robbed them the opportunity to get a suitor. Very hard to get a free spirited, open minded Kenyan woman ready to put and consider all variables on the table to settle. Ideally, consumed with selfishness and unproductive grandeur. I am at my early 50 now and ready to marry again after raising my children. But it seems I have to go to Kenya to get a woman to marry. Am sorry to our sisters in U.S, us men look at career and resultant money earned as a way to earn a descent living, not a scale to measure a man's worth in life. Us Kenyan men won't negate our cultural and traditional ideals to 3embrace American society lifestyle. That's not going to happen. So our beautiful ladies, understand your Kenyan brothers and work to find common grounds for the relationship and building one. We aren't going to change our Kenyan way of life's culture and traditions, just as other societies like Indians, Asians or Latinos do, and live peacefully, instilling their culture and traditions to their children. Am heading to Kenya to find me a good sister otherwise.
Wow, can you tell deeper truth better than you have laid it naked here? I Used to date this Kenyan ka-dame back in the days when I used to work as basic CNA wiping old people’s pupu! Those were the days I hassled to go the University! But I stayed put!
The ka-dame dumped me because of my dirty job for a muzungu. It surely hurt my feelings but I had to accept the reality part of it! No more some some!
Fifteen years later, I got my Doctor’s degree as a Neurologist and big money begun to flow in. Patience, hard work and prayers work!
I recently got a call from the same ka-dame, now with a kid, telling me the white guy dumped her and now she wanted to come visit me.
Just imagine how I felt about her calling me after a long time - severely bitter that she would even dare reconnect with me again! Life has a way of playing itself out!
Now ka-dame is in her late thirties and no body wants her. The ka-dame wanted us to forget everything that ever happen in those days I was not profitable to her. Surely I had to listen to her long one sided monologue that sounded a committed preacher winning a lost soul for the higher Kingdom!
But, a long boring conversation, I nicely told her - thank you for calling me but I have moved on with my now beautiful life! Now I have several nice ma-dames asking me out! But I will not take the bate!
Here are the facts - many kenyan women do not see the future. They are not willing to patiently wait for the guy wearing “the old teacher” shoes to struggle and make it!
And so I tell the Kenyan men struggling to make in America - please keep doing what you are doing but have a long term goal to have a good profession job and be somebody! Follow your own North Star and listen to the beautiful voices from above!
And when Ciro comes running back - please don’t hesitate to tell her no thank you!
I’m still single and life can’t be any better - I’m living it with everything I ever wanted and even more better ma-dames chasing me around! And yes, I’m playing the hide and seek game to the max! The beautiful ones are not yet born and men never grow old!!
You took time to write all this about your ex... you definitely aren’t over her
There is a message therein not unless you're too lazy to read patiently.
Dave, someday you will have to settle. We all get old. And stop running around.. you may end up needing help yourself.
It is 'bait', Not 'bate'. Blame yourself for choosing poorly.
It's okay. We still got it. That's pettiness
You just need to look around and we are many here but for some reason no one locate us. Hardworking, can cook, clean etc, etc. But for some reason we are never asked or approached and still l ask that question as to what do men look for. I can parade 10 us single and l will say we are nice but no men says hi to us.
I hear you out. I believe you. Thing is, after going through hell, many men just decide to keep off from serious engagements. They’ll only chase to smash but no more. Also, in the same spirit, some of us, just like some of you women, have discovered other women from other countries are different & often muuuuuch better characterwise
Mlachake so you are saying characterwise we have a problem? But maybe what works and correct me if l am wrong since both of you are of different culture tend to accommodate each other and behave well toward each other but when its comes to us we are charged harshly. For whatever reason l hear some says Kenyan women are okay and those who want to marry other countries do so but for me l wanted one from HOME and we can go back there and retire. I think l settle with the singlehood and l will not whine because l will tell you l never went out looking and for Kenyan men l can't charge them since its not for me to charge.
I have wanted a home girl too but the game playing is just too much for me! So I have started looking elsewhere!
Why do Kenyan women in America say one thing while they mean completely the opposite? I don’t understand that coded talk!
Tell me if you want a hot dog and I will go get it - straight street talking; no speaking in endless parables! I’m too busy to waste valuable time decoding what a woman means!
Also the whining over silly stuff like an 8 year old kid turns me off! Those baby tardrums piss me off; and especially after a whole day of work! I can’t be going home to do endless crisis management of none issues instead of resting my brains!
It's painful to read what you wrote. You don't write well, at all. Please polish your writing skills.
First ask yourself do you know what men look for? Actually do you know what the man you are looking for, is looking for? And what do you have to offer that man? Men are looking for feminity youth fertility cooperativeness submission and may be inspiration. That's your homework. Kevin Samuels can help with your assignments.
Where are the ten of you with the description you highlighted here! I’m looking for one chic below 35 and lady to get pregnant within a month! I need to settle down!
@Liz, where do you live! You sound adaptable! I’m in California!
Where are the humble many women - the void ten in your group?
But @Liz, every time I try to talk to a Kenya women in America, she just blows me off with a huge attitude like that of Wangu Wa Makeri!
Don’t even give me a chance to finish my “hello”! Maybe because I’m 6’2” I scare women; don’t know, maybe!?
As a Pilot, I’m always in the air! And when off work, I like to wear loose relaxed outfits to settle my mind!
But most Kenyan women want a man who is always dressed in Charles Njonjo pin stripped suits and Bruno Mali shoes.
That is not my style except when I’m heading to the House of the Lord on Sunday when I dress casually but nice! I think women have to get their game together to connect with good Kenyan men - and yes, there are a lot of good guys out there, but we stay very busy!!
There are few things you need to know about men and life when you as a woman become an adult, I mean 18yo. Men are looking for
1-feminity
2-youth
3-ferility
4-cooperativeness
5-submission
6-inspirational
These qualities are prime when a woman is in her 20's. At that time you need to date with a purpose to marry (6 mos a man knows if he will marry you, don't date for 2+ years.) Ideally (not always) the best time to snag a marriage material man is When you are in your twenties and definitely below 30; and you have to be a potential wife, not just a female. The marriage ready man is likely to be about 30 to 40. Don't buy into the lie that in your 20's you are gonna go to college and just date. Riding the carousel turns you into a piece, a body collecting female. No man want's that. There is no product that increases in value with use and age. Men will get the best deal they can because they have options, you don't. You have the inevitable wall waiting at 30. Listen to Kevin Smith, better bachelor and strong successful male, whether you like what they say or not.
Pendo Langu,
My mom is single in her mid fifties. Very down to earth, loves God and is full of wisdom. Send me an email (anneabwom@gmail.com)I connect you two. Sorry for being left as a single dad.
"Am heading to Kenya to find me a good sister otherwise."
She comes here, her eyes get opened if you will, and 50/50 chances she ditches your butt since we know US divorce rate, even worse in Belgium. Do your future self a solid one and listen now to Kevin Samuels, Strong successful Men and Better Bachelor.
Waah! This lady did a number on you. Pole! Ugua polepole
Do these women really know what in the hell they are talking about in African men? Wow, Really, really, reallyyyyy!!
Who would want to date a Kenyan woman with more manly attitudes than any African man alive? They got worse sucking attitudes than the king of Zamunda!
It is all material things for the material Kenyan woman, and for most African women abroad! Sure, a dude is wearing old tea her shoes to save up money while you want the same dude to buy a new BMW with a lollipop attached to the wheel steering for you be to be sucking it while you drive; you good digger!
So y’all can date and marry those tootsie roll white boys who are going around kissing your ass and holding your damn hands like you have lost your physical and mental balance while wearing some high heels with 15 inches high spikes!
No wonder I’m now dating a gorgeous baby from Montigo Bay, Jamaica! I’m happy and I won’t date a Kenyan women who never think about the future but now and yesterday!!
Ali why, l am here
Liz, give me you description and please remember to mention your age!
Pulling pop corn for this one...
The problem with Kenyan women in America is they are all looking for a man to use like a tick sucks blood from a cow until the cow drops dead, and then she moves to the next victim!
These women also drink alcohol more than Bob Shinangans like it was 1999! They stay more drunk than that karumaindo chic on River Road , Nairobi.
These Kenyan women got the nerves to talk about Kenyan men? Keep your dirty tuchi to yourself if you think we care!
I won’t marry any Kenyan woman in America! They are all huge snobs with a damn chip on both shoulders, and a double square head!!
Ngahikania ndeda because there is no shortage of other international women in America! No wonder I’m now dating a very beautiful and young Venezuelan who appreciates me, works as hard as I do, shares the domestic bill, and she even bought me a brand new Mercedes 580 SUV.
She is a medical doctor and Very sexy!! And how do you like me now Kenyan sisters! Astera vista baby!
Mathenge, just curiously what is that Mercedes 580 SUV, is this a new 2021 model or what, please enlighten me.
https://www.mbusa.com/en/vehicles/model/gle/suv/gle580w4?sd_campaign_ty…
Check the link. GLE 580s start in the high $70s and well equipped will land in the low $90s.
2021 GLS 580 SUV baby! Visit the Benz Dealership near you, and you will find the new GLS bro! Got it!! Any dealership will let you test drive one! The horse power is magnificent It drives like a Cucu BA!! Don’t be jealous baby boy!
@Mathenge we do not need your kind so stay away from Kenyan women. we are not donkeys we are free and independent we can stand on our own . we will marry when and who we want if we choose to . if we want kids. It is so easy to get a child from the man we choose to . Women are smarter than men they calculate. Men just want to sleep with anything in a skirt . Can you stay away from women ? get castrated that way you will not encounter us
Please talk to my damn hand! Which Kenyan women if I may ask you @guest!? I already told you I never come close to them smelly she goats! Get lost. I won’t even talk to you! I have stayed away and will continue that tread! Go figure elsewhere! You ain’t anything I want to even see with my closed eyes!
You are a classic example of the dirty Kenyan women in America! You can marry whoever you wish including that huge male dog in your bedroom and no one cares! Who asked you all you have said here you drunkard!? Now that you want to castrate @mathenge, what are your plans with his balls in your hands? Eat them raw??
Kwenda huko. There is no Vezuelan or great white, latina or anyone dating yoll Kenyan men harping here. Hehehehe!
We won’t date you black looking old luo pot! Please stay on the parallel lanes and don’t dare cross over! I date one pretty Swedish girl and can’t be any happier! What do you got to say about that @shineke?
Hehe
Watch Kevin Samuel's on YouTube. Men all over the world have the same demands. They are looking for a woman who is
1)feminine
2) cooperative
3) fit (good looking)
4) submissive
Most of this women complaining lack all 4.
That is a baby you are looking for,no kenyan woman wants a kenyan man with a fragile ego like a child. There is nobody to baby sit you bruh.
This is very telling. Women think they know what men want. Women are not listening to men. Next thing they know they are hitting 30....33...38 heck 40+ without their hearts desire. Women may control access to s3x but men control access to relationships. For real, go listen to Kevin Samuels.